Posts Tagged ‘Funny Story’

So this last week was like the longest week ever. I barely remember it. I did end up at the temple with that dumb boy again and I ran a lot of errands. I found 14  WHITE poinsettia at 6 different stores. I helped spend almost 600 dollars at coach on presents for office girls.  I lived off a list of things I needed to complete and things i needed to buy. my diet was pretty much diet coke, nut’s and the different kinds of pork tenderloin we tried out. But it was worth it because this weekend was pretty much just one huge party. we had the office over to eat and play games and open all their expensive gifts and stuff. and we had a little gag gift exchange and I was not sure what to get cause I couldn’t picture myself going into some store and buying some weird gag gift. so I got… A SNAKE!!! and put it in a coach box so it would get chosen. and those of you who know me know that i am TERRIFIED of snakes. and like the whole way driving it home from the pet store I was freaking out. and I couldn’t even go in the same room that his box was in. but man was it worth it when the lady who is the most terrified of snakes opened the box. she threw it across the patio at her husband who is even more afraid of snakes and they both freaked out together and it was pretty much like magic. snakes = best gag gift ever.

The end

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Guys. I love people

So I went to the new moon midnight showing last night, which was very entertaning as midnight movie premiers always are. The screaming, the clapping ect, the insane fan girls ect. but look what I found today!!

That is funny

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So My cousin desperately wants me to be a socialite so before I came she told everybody she knew my age I was coming and has had a ton of people invite me over and all this stuff. So last night I was just sitting there watching shark week minding my own business when all of a sudden  she decided I shouldn’t be sitting around I should be dong something so she calls her’s husbands cousin to see what he’s doing. he says him and his friends are going swimming and he’ll come pick me up. I continue to watch sharks eat people and watch out the window for this boy. a truck plus up to the curb so I go out. I pull on the door and it’s locked, the person in the front seat isn’t someone i recognize but I just figure her cousin sent a friend.

” Hi I’m Kelli”
“Hi Kelli are you  waiting for someone?”
“Yeah aren’t you one of Jordans friends?”
“Nope sorry, I’m not your date..” (It wasn’t a date…)
“Oh well it was nice to meet you. Bye!”

And then I jump out of the car and run across the grass up the front step, and before the boy has finished pulling away I slip on the front porch cause the grass had been wet… he definitely saw me.

PS this boy name jason has taken to calling me Kelli Cat. WHY ME?!

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SO I’m leaving for yellowstone today which isn’t really important to this story but whatever. So ANYWAYS I’ve been listening to the new black eyed peas song alot this morning and all of a sudden I get a text message that say’s “I’m so 2008 your so 2000 and late boom boom pow”. Which you know, is part of the song…. And I’m listening to it. So I of course freak out and like search my house for friends of my little brother… I didn’t find any. Now I will just transcribe the rest of the conversation for your enjoyment.

Creeper-I’m so 2008 your so 2000 and late boom bom pow…
Kelli- Oh my gosh! Who is this!?
Creeper- No habla ingles
Kelli- That’s a Lie, you just texted me a song. Is this Brent? (my little brother who would love a trick like this)
Kelli- Also You got the Lyrics wrong it’s 3008 not 2008
Creeper- Is this EM?
*here is where I call the number. no one answers I get a message that sounds a little like brent, so I call the number on erics phone, no answer so I call brents phone and its not the same message.*

Kelli- Do I even know you?
Creeper- I think So. this is jason p your old class mate
Kelli- from what class?
Creeper-Is this robi? (remember rob guys?!)
* I am completely relieved that someone is not stalking me*
Kelli- um no He got rid of this number like 2 years ago
Creeper- Oh sorry.
Creeper- I will delete the number. Or maybe we could go see startrek today. I’m not working
*at this point I cannot believe I have practically been stalked AND asked on a date by one of robs old friends. another one called and told me my voice sounded hot. so cool I know*
Kelli- um I’m going to yellowstone today. sorry
Creeper- oh ok
Creeper- sorry again
Creeper- Have fun friend
Creeper- dont feed the bears
*so now the guys trying to flirt me up… AWKWARD*


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I just tried to feed my rabbit a carrot. Apparently shes not that into carrots… (what a weird rabbit). So not wanting to be wastefull I placed the carrot back in our carrot holder. Heh yes I am 1/2 my fathers side of the family. I might tell my mom next week. She’ll be horrified.

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So my sister has always been sort of jumpy and easily scared ever since we were really young. If you are a long time reader you might recall the post about when some boy was asking her to a dance, and she thought he was an intruder and called the police on him. If not it’s a pretty great story. Here. Another time she came running into my room at 5 in the morning freaking out about something standing in our yard which later turned out to be a deer although she seemed inclined to think it was bear. She now denies she ever thought it was a bear, but we all know the truth. This led to many deer/bear jokes.  So last night I was awoken by the most unearthly sound I have ever heard. It was like some weird strangled cry and Sarah was like crying/panting/running to wake up my parents. For a few confused seconds I actually thought someone had died.  Turns out she had to use the restroom sometime during the night, and someone was outside the window obviously trying to break into our house and ransack all our Christmas goodies. Here is the culprit.

Cashmere Cat

That’s right a CAT BURGLAR! haha I personally have always felt armed robbers and cats were pretty interchangable, and don’t even get me started on the close relationship of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer and the Smokey the Bear.

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So Thanksgiving is a holiday and I love holidays. but I do think it is the most boring… of the major holidays. anyways its particularly boring when you go to your grandmas and its all the other families off years, where they go somewhere else you know? so its just my family minus my little brother who was fortunate enough to have to work my grand parents and my wierdyaunt and uncle. So its all sorts of dull cause you don’t even have anyone to joke with but your mom who doesn’t get alot of your brilliant witty remarks. For some un explicable reason this uncle is always called upon to cut whatever type of meat we are eating in this case turkey. no big right? false. Pretty much after every slice he licks all his fingers off. So by the time he is done you feel like alot of his spit might be in your food this bothers some more germaphobic people more then me but I still think its gross and my aunt (his younger sister) wasn’t even there to tell him how unbelievablydisgusting he was. disappointment. I some how mange through dinner answering all their grown up questions. Then it’s over but we all have to sit around and yack about boring stuff like such as: Harry Potter Vs Twilight, Texas, breast cancer, Alaskan oil, The evils of cable TV, benefits of gun control, Internet speed, the national debt… ect. you get the idea. (Really we did discuss every single one of those.) Then my Aunt who apparently is under the mis impression that we are all dying to know about her diabetes problems goes through her and her husband entire list of meals from this week.
Monday: T-bone moose steaks with a light side salad, My uncle has sugar free icecream for desert
Tuesday: Deer Meat with some sort of rice mixture my uncle goes and buys a box of Twinkies even though my aunt tells him to have more of the ice cream
Wednesday: Chef salad, with ham and ice berg and romain and spinach and ham and blah blah blah.

Then she starts to tell me all about her diet. she finally went off candy and soda and now she drinks 4 bottles of water everyday. she also stopped snacking at work so snaps for her.

Next she starts to give my mom parenting advice which is HILARIOUS because her children are in some interesting situations… I would go into the advice and my problems with it but that would be long and boring. sortof like this already it.

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